It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
