I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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