WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
