I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
