no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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