I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
