I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
