apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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