I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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