And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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