apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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