I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
