I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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