Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
