update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
