Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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