if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Farmville is her only friend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
