New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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