Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
