Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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