I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have aggressive nipples.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
