I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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