marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
