I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
