I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
