i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
