Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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