Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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