just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
