Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Boobs speak an international language.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
