It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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