Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
