I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
