Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
