So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
