So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
