sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
