Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
