Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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