I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need a beard to bite.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
