So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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