My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cockslap morals
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
