I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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