Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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