I just cut my nipple shaving
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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