We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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