I can text with my tongue
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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