i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
