I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
