Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your tits are I can't wait for
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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