you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You work out of a Hotel?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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