I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
