ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
